I see I missed replying to some things.
I'm sure as **** not happy that I drink so much and can still function at a high level. Amazingly, I'm supposedly quite intelligent, so the fact I can be drunk at work and still do better work than basically everyone is just another reason it makes it more difficult. Being smart and making good choices seem to have almost nothing to do with each other. Damn.
What attracted me to this site was well, I don't like feeling like I HAVE to drink. I don't like feeling like I HAVE to do anything. It is the only thing in my life I can't seem to control. I figured if it has gotten to the point where I would basically disown my own mother due to her opinions I may as well ask some people who may have had to go through the same thing.
If I had a significant other or a child I would like to believe that would most certainly change my thoughts. Alas, I don't see either of those happening. I would pity any poor woman that got involved with me at this current point.
Having a shortened life doesn't really bother me either. I figure I have already lived longer than a lot of people get the chance to. I'm not religious or anything so if I kick the bucket that's it for me. No more feeling angry or depressed. Not that I would ever go out of my way to shorten it though. That's the weak way out.