Originally Posted by
lizatola 
I know my son and I deserve better but one of the reasons I stay is so that I can be privy to these conversations and I can direct my son the answers he needs and to the truths that are out there for him. My AH would have gone off about my sister to my son directly given the right opportunity (i.e: asking my son how his aunt is doing, etc and yes he'd probably ask my kid the dirty details of my sister's life because he likes to make fun of my sister's drama), but in many cases I can hear what my AH is saying and I can help my son search for his own meanings and encourage him to think for himself when it comes to what dad has to say. If we had split custody, I'd not have that opportunity and god knows what my son would hear.
My comment was in response to this. I see rationalizations like this often on SR. I even rationalized and justified in similar ways myself at one point. And that's how I know what it is, and I call BS.
I know you have your reasons for staying, but that is entirely on you. You are not doing your son any favors by keeping him in a dysfunctional family in order to "protect" him 24/7. Children learn about relationships through what they live. I most certainly didn't intentionally marry an alcoholic and become a codependent. It was imprinted on my psyche by the main role models in my life--my parents. Being there to run interference on inappropriate conversations in no way offsets the dysfunction of the situation he is forced to live in.
L