I too left after five years- just about a month ago. I was stuck on the ifs. If only he would quit drinking, then he could get help for his brain injuries and PTSD. But he might not ever do any of those things. Right now he's hemming and hawing about going to the VA's TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) clinic because its inpatient and he won't be able to drink for eight weeks. I did a trial separation this summer while he was supposed to be "getting his act together". I was back home with the kids for less than a month before I decided to make the move permanently. When you're living with something every day you kind of get used to it, no matter how awful it is. When you have even a small break and some breathing room, you realize how intolerable the situation actually is. I don't miss anything about my old life even though the kids and I are presently crowded in with my (untreated) schizophrenic mother. Not ideal, but I'm getting to practice detachment on a daily basis and I'm working at us getting our own place soon. Take care of yourself and your kids, and don't stay there hoping he'll get better. It could be detrimental to your sobriety and will definitely be detrimental to your children. You don't have to do it all at once. How about instead of sitting around dreading the moment he comes home, you start going through your stuff, packing up boxes for donation, making lists of what you'll need. Unless you're going to try to get him out. Even if you're not quite ready to leave, taking some active steps to get organized will help your peace of mind, at least it did for me. If nothing else, your home will be slightly more organized. Good luck.