Thanks for the replys, it is really wonderful to talk to people who understand and who talk to you honestly, without any denial or excuses. I appreciate the support and I appreciate the candid and honest communication.
I know I have to do this first for myself, when I am good, my family rocks, When I am not good it all falls apart.
I am past the guilt stage and and I also am not dwelling or giving in to the voices that nag at you in an attempt to make you hate yourself (and then keep on using because you hate yourself.)
You did hear me right, my husband operates on this junk. Yes it affects his moods and so on but he sleeps, he eats and he goes to work everyday AND he works well. I know this because I know everyone he works with and for. As for sitting down for a heart to heart, I would love that, but past experience has shown that he is in complete denial and I know for a fact that he still is. Talking now is probably not the best course. :yelling if you know what I mean. What I want to do now is work on me and concentrate on my children. As a secondary goal I will go to work trying to make him see what he is doing to himself, but only after I am clean for a good while, because you can't tell someone to quit when you only recently quit yourself.
I am looking into a recovery group at a local Lutheran Counseling Center and I picked up a book at a Christian bookstore entitled "Serentity, A Twelve Step Companion." It is the KJV verison of the New Testament and Psalms with the history of the 12 step program, the 12 steps listed and explained and biblical meditations on each step as you work it. I own loads of devotionals and have never found one that addressed a Christian with an addiction problem.
I've done well since my first post, taking it one day at a time and today is another day. I am only worried about the next 24 hours. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
I totally agree with CAPTAINZING2000, the kids are a gift from God.
Thanks to you all, I'll be around and I'll be checking in.
God Bless.
All of you!!!!!!