The man I met and fell in love with 14 years ago seems almost like he is dead..Like he is nowhere to be found...I took every card and every letter he ever gave me this past weekend on the curbside in a garbage bag for the garbage man to pick up...(I told him this the other day)...He couldn't believe that I would do this..He promised yesterday that he would change and wants to be with me forever and he's been saying he loves me and he's sorry and then last night while I was eating with friends, he called my cellphone and said "You are never going to believe this, but I have to go meet Mark (his friend) and go over some things"..He said "You can call Mark's house the whole night if you want"..I just said "Whatever and hung up"...Here we go again..Him staying out and not coming home once again and using his work as his excuse...He knows I'm talking to an attorney and filing for divorce and he's had a million chances to change..I get sick of getting jealous of other people that have normal families..every day when I drop my 4 year old at this preschool that this girl has in her home and I'll see her husband shoveling the snow getting ready to go to work and I wish I had that..They don't have much money, but they have a family..A normal family...She has no idea that I wish I could switch lives with her..She always tells me how funny my husband is...(Yeah, he's a real barrel of laughs????)...