Been kind of a bad week.
This last week was pretty hard at work, had some really mean, grouchy coworkers... I've felt anxious and afraid of perceived health problems that I may or may not have. This morning I somehow choked on my morning tea, my throat closed for 10 seconds or so and I really thought that I was dead. That's never happened to me before, it was so rattling that I never got over it, I've been reluctant to eat or drink anything. I looked it up on the internet and of course it said that I have an array of chronic health problems, and that just made me feel worse, I should have known better than to try and look it up, all I wanted was reassurance that it just went down the wrong way...
I've been this way as long as I can remember, ever since I was a kid I've been in constant fear that I am suffering from some sort of disease or condition. Logically it makes no sense that I started using drugs and drinking, it was so short sighted, and now that the rides over, it's just more fuel for my irrational beliefs. "You drank and smoked, of course you're going to die young, congratulations..."
I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks, but I don't have another appointment until the 27th. It just sucks to feel doomed and freak out over what happened this morning.