Originally Posted by
Kialua 
From what I remember reading your posts you are pretty fresh out of abuse, it hasn't been all that long. It's no wonder you feel anxious. Be kind to yourself and keep reading and helping yourself. Don't be expecting everything to be perfect so soon. You have had years of abuse and years of coping with it as a child. Now as an adult it's like learning to walk again. Baby steps.
5 years ago when my dad died...it's hard to believe. Though the abuse didn't exactly stop afterwards given my mom and her psycho fiance, the majority was done. I feel like it's been
too long, that I shouldn't really feel this way anymore...but I do. It feels wrong. Its amazing how someone can make you feel guilty beyond the grave. Guilty for things I didn't do....guilty over feelings I shouldn't have to feel guilt over. Or just guilty over having feelings at all. Every time I do this, I have to step back and ask myself why I feel guilty. I have no answer. It's just automatic, a reflex. I feel like a terrible person, but
why? At this point..no one can make me feel that way but myself, really. So why do we chose to continue beating ourselves up over something that we shouldn't have been beaten up over (both literally and figuratively) in the first place? I don't know what to think and I don't know what to feel. My therapist told me today that no feeling is a "wrong" feeling but to me, that just doesn't ring true.
Soberhawk - Thanks for the comment on my avatar, it's my dog, Moose. He just turned a year old not long ago. Time flies. He is a black lab, not so sure about the first generation part honestly. I was told he was pure, but dogs now days...who really knows. He certainly looks the part.