Just checking in - my pink cloud has dissipated and I have had some ups and downs this week. I find when my ego is excited or when it is bruised those are the strongest triggers for me.
I also find that my identity is still adolescent in nature - I view myself as 22 when I am 39. So part of my reckless behavior has to do with an unwillingness to grow up and become an adult, in spite of my natural age. This process is a growing up for me.
I am working my steps with my sponsor and have used my network during tough times. My desire for alcohol around alcohol is zero but I do get urges, usually triggered by emotions - again ego or feeling of a need to reward or punish.
I have never drank for the taste it has always been about the buzz too.
I am pleased with the transformation of my body. Swimming 1600yds daily and physique is starting to come back, which feels good. A month off the smokes, which has been much easier than expected and lungs are feeling healthy again. Looking fwd to ski season.
Anyhow that is my...44 days check in I guess.