Bblackbirdflyy, I'm sorry you're feeling so terribly desperate. Don't feel like you're bringing anyone down. We're all only one slip ahead of you. Please stop tearing yourself up. Wipe up those tears. We care about you here! Sometimes it takes multiple times of trying to get it all out of your system. You can do this. Your way of getting sober has taken a little detour. Just get back up and go from here . Tomorrow is another day, as the saying goes. There are so many success stories on here. But for all of us it's one day at a time. Drink some water, try to get some sleep and go easy on yourself. Your August friend, Elseware