Hi. It's good to see your trying. At the beginning I was told "don't drink even if your azz falls off" and "if I don't pick up the first drink I won't have to get sober AGAIN." I've done a fair amount of traveling since I got sober and if I was in your shoes today I'd call a local AA phone # and explain your situation and I'm sure a personal contact will be forthcoming. Hang in there, even calling a suicide prevention hotline might put you in contact with a program person. BE WELL