Please try to give yourself a chance.
I promise you it's better on the sober side. Not always easier, but definitely better.
Life isn't easy. It downright blows sometimes. But sober, you learn to deal with it and it's not as hard as ignoring problems through drinking and making more problems for your health and home.
Please call a suicide hotline, I really believe in you and I know you do want to be sober.
Don't be afraid to fight this!
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE SOBER. You deserve it.