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I hurt so much.

Old 10-07-2013, 12:07 PM
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I hurt so much.

I have failed again. I have been drinking again since my day 4 post. I'm an emotional wreck. I actually want to die. I want to die so I can pass to the other side and see my 2 best friends who tragically died in 2011. I have tried so hard to stop drinking. I have experienced worst things in my times of sobriety so im gonna carry on drinking for now. I cant move forward and my mind just lives in the past no matter what I try. I'm cursed and will never be free.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:19 PM
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RJY, I am so sorry that you are suffering. You don't have to condemn yourself. I think that you're posting here because you haven't given up. Can you make it to a meeting? I promise you that there are many people who will help you on your way if you continue to reach out, here and in the rooms irl. I really feel for you.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:20 PM
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I'm so sorry that you are suffering.

Please do not give up because this disease is relentless and it will take everything.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:22 PM
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I drank to try and dull the pain, but all it did was ruin many of the things in my life and about myself that were important. I have been where you are just recently several times, and I kept going back to the bottle, and the same terrible things happened without fail. It used to be fun, but it soon became a terrible addiction that made me do stupid things and act out in ways that wasn't me. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. Have you ever tried calling a suicide hotline? They have helped me many times when I felt like there was nowhere to go and no one to talk to. I'd give them a call and talk to someone personally.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:23 PM
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Hi RJY9. I had a negative attitude towards stopping drinking partly because I kept myself in a pity pot and wouldn't consider what people who were sober told me. I was told to man up and The world didn't revolve around me and death is final. After waiting too long the pain was unbearable and I saw what my future was about if I continued to drink. With guidance from AA friends and a lot of meetings being sober is far better, even after many years. BE WELL
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:27 PM
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[QUOTE=RJY9;4225010]I have failed again. I have been drinking again since my day 4 post. I'm an emotional wreck. I actually want to die. I want to die so I can pass to the other side and see my 2 best friends who tragically died in 2011. I have tried so hard to stop drinking. I have experienced worst things in my times of sobriety so im gonna carry on drinking for now. I cant move forward and my mind just lives in the past no matter what I try. I'm cursed and will never be free.[/QUOTE

Please don't give up. Your drink problem is very treatable. You are posting for a good reason.

I am not being trite, I too was at the extreme bottom...twice my family were called in to the ER because I was a sliver from giving up the ghost.

I am here now....and you are helping me....Many years later I am living a very healthy and contented life..I have come to peace with many awful things due to my active addiction.

If you have a AA Big Book, or search on line, for the AA promises...They will be yours with a commitment to and life of sobriety.

Pulling for you....
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:40 PM
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RJY, sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. I think the only way we fail is if we give up and stop trying. You are here and posting which means you are trying. Alcohol is a depressant. However bad you are feeling right now it's a guarantee that drinking will make you feel worse. I don't know what you have been doing for your recovery but maybe you should consider some extra support. If you stop drinking you can move forward. If you don't you are going to be stuck in this cycle. Everyone has the ability to break free from this addiction. Wishing you well.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:44 PM
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Please try to give yourself a chance.

I promise you it's better on the sober side. Not always easier, but definitely better.

Life isn't easy. It downright blows sometimes. But sober, you learn to deal with it and it's not as hard as ignoring problems through drinking and making more problems for your health and home.

Please call a suicide hotline, I really believe in you and I know you do want to be sober.

Don't be afraid to fight this!

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE SOBER. You deserve it.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:47 PM
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Well,
I am sorry for all who relapse. I almost joined your two friends before I wised up and realized it was slow suicide and I was not suicidal. Would they advise you to, at any cost, not do what they did? Put it down, don't pick up.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:53 PM
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Please don't give up hope. There are many examples of people here who have struggled and relapsed many times in the early stages before finding a way to stay sober.

I'm sorry to hear about your friends. What choices would they want you to make? Don't follow the same path. A sober life is worth fighting for x
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:56 PM
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I am sorry you are suffering RJ.

You are not cursed – it will get better.

You should consider jades advice to call someone to talk to, you do sound very down.

Please be careful RJ.
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Old 10-07-2013, 01:01 PM
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I am new as well RJ, but do remember this; There are men and women who have been sober for 30 years straight - - - and they went and drank. It's something we have for life. Old-timers are the same as newcomers like us in the sense that they are simply one drink away from oblivion. Remember that. Just wake up, bathe, shave, and try again.
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Old 10-07-2013, 01:08 PM
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RJ, please stay here with us...don't give up!! ((((RJ))))
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Old 10-07-2013, 01:13 PM
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Beside not drinking (or trying to not drink) what are you doing for your recovery? It's not easy to quit on your own and that's what it looks like you are trying to do.

When you are willing to change what isn't working, perhaps you'll have some measure of success.
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Old 10-07-2013, 01:14 PM
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Please don't give up, RJ. We care and we are here to support you
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Old 10-07-2013, 02:27 PM
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If you feel you need help please do read this link:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

here are some UK links too

Suicide - Getting help - NHS Choices
How to cope with suicidal feelings - Mind
PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide - PAPYRUS UK
Depression Alliance UK | How We Can Help | Help With Depression & Anxiety With Self-Help Groups Across The UK

I remember the despair of wanting to stop drinking and not being able to.

If you can't stop then you need to do more for your recovery RJY.

Have you thought about what else you might do apart from keep drinking?

seeing your Dr, or a counsellor, a recovery programme like AA or something else? is rehab an option?

D
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Old 10-07-2013, 02:38 PM
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RJ I'm right there with you. I sucked on my own trying to stop. I'm scared to death to go to rehab! But I'm more afraid not too. We can do this!!!
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Old 10-07-2013, 02:49 PM
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Never give up. Those friends on the other side would want you to be sober and enjoying life.
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Old 10-07-2013, 03:23 PM
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Your life will get better every day you dont drink. You did it before you can do it again. You and your loved ones deserve sobriety
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Old 10-07-2013, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by RJY9 View Post
I have failed again. I have been drinking again since my day 4 post. I'm an emotional wreck. I actually want to die. I want to die so I can pass to the other side and see my 2 best friends who tragically died in 2011. I have tried so hard to stop drinking. I have experienced worst things in my times of sobriety so im gonna carry on drinking for now. I cant move forward and my mind just lives in the past no matter what I try. I'm cursed and will never be free.
RJ, the fact that you came here and posted shows that there is still hope. You still want to stop and you don't know how. It's a lot harder than controlling your arm to not pick up that drink but friend, you must find a way be it rehab, a program, or whatever you need to do to get away from it.

It's hard to envision what life can be without alcohol. Unfortunately it's not like a car that you can take for a test drive for a day to see how you like it before you make a decision. If only! You gotta pull out the wallet and lay the bucks down and have faith. At first it might seem like you bought a lemon but rest assured, that lemon is going to turn into what you want it to be.

First and foremost you have to want sobriety more than you want to drink. What can you do to make this happen?
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