S.J., I'm sorry, It is damn hard. I was able to get in 15 years sober living with an active alcoholic. I'm not patting myself on the back here, just want to tell you it can be done. We met as drunks and it was the primary focus of our lives for years. We did love each other very deeply. At first I couldn't understand how she could be so utterly disrespectful of me. At some point it became clear that she was as big of a drunk as I was. After coming to that conclusion I decided after all the hell I put her through I couldn't abandon her. Now along with being drunks we also have a second affliction, we're human!! If someone pushes us one way, we push back the other way. I stopped pushing, even went out and bought her a bottle, which freaked her out. At the same time I set my boundaries. She eventually figured out I wouldn't have any kind of discussion with her if she had been drinking. I wouldn't make love, sex was a very big part of our relationship. She was f-in gorgeous. The bottom line is we had 10 years of relative harmony before she passed.
You are the ONLY one who can make the decision to stay together or not.
Feel free to PM me.
Wishing you all the best'
Ron