I get what you are saying! I asked myself this question for along time and every now & then I struggle with it even today but nothing changed in my XABF case. I wasted a lot time and did a lot of damage to myself.
I believe people can change but I also understand addiction is very powerful. I had to ask myself...even if this person was sober would I want to deal with the after math of the big mess! Don't really think so bc lots of damage has been done. Would I trust him? Don't really think I could after the trusting so many times. The list goes on....
I really loved him or the person he could be. I really think I always will love him. He had some very wonderful qualities. I finally had to stop asking myself that same ol question and move on for myself.
Wishing you the best.