There must be a link to my husbands mind going on here too, and I thank all of you for your comments and support.
When he was thinking about going with me, he said he felt like he didn't belong there right now because he wasn't a very good Christian. From the way he talks, he is just now beginning to feel intense guilt. This may sound cruel, but I let him do horrible things to me in the beginning, I'm glad he recognizes the pain he caused me, and what he let himself become. But then I also want him to forgive himself, like I've forgiven him, and from it become be a better man, and a better father.
I'm still working on forgiving myself and want to be a better woman, wife, mother.
I told him that our God is kind, compassionate, and forgiving. God welcomes us back to his house with open arms, without judgement, he doesn't ask why we have been gone so long, is only happy we are back. I told him when he was ready, he could settle things with God, he is waiting but there is no timetable.
One thing I discovered, churches like pregnant women. I'm barely showing, but they fuss over me, and so many people were thrilled for him to come, greeted him, one man asked if he liked football and said sometimes a group gets together to go to a game, or watch it on tv. The church doesn't believe in drinking, that's a plus.
After, we talked a lot about going to church when we were kids, and questioning what it meant for our parents to go. I think we are both realizing this addiction is the first time either of us have had to question who we are, what we believe in, what glue holds us together. It's a life lesson for me. It's a life and death lesson for him.