What IF....
My ABF is incarcerated for his second DUI and facing a few years in prison due to complications from his first DUI which almost killed him and his passenger.
I just joined this site yesterday looking for some insight from others who are facing similar battles. When I told my story all the feedback I received was to get out of the relationship now. As hard as it is to swallow I know this is true but the part of me that still believes in my ABF doesn't want to leave. I want to stay in hopes that he will change. Every thought I have that confirms my need to leave him is followed by a doubt... The question "What if..." is haunting me. I just go back forth between staying and going.
"What if he really does mean it when he says he wants to change and he's just having a hard time figuring out how."
I know he wants to be better but I don't know if he wants it enough. He has cut back significantly but when he does drink he still lies and attempts to deceive me.
However, he seems to be trying to control it rather than actually fix it.
I wonder - Is he just attempting to control it to pacify me or himself? I want to believe that people tell the truth. I want to believe that everyone isn't just self-serving.
But WHAT IF that's a wish made in vain?
"What if I make a mistake by leaving him?"
"What if he changes and goes into recovery?"
I know that everyone's battle with alcohol is different. It is harder for some people to stay in recovery than others. It is also harder for some to realize they need to recover but easier to maintain recovery once they are in it.
"What if he just relapses once he recovers? And what if he doesn't?"
If I could look into the future and see that he recovers fully without relapsing constantly or turning into a "dry drunk" I would stay with him because when he's sober our relationship is wonderful and full of love.
He seems to be trying to
"What if I stay with him just to discover he will never change?"
I know I could not live that way. I won't live that way and that's why I want to leave him now. But the "What if" and the hope that he can make a sound recovery is causing me to second guess my decision.
Again, everyone and everyone's battle with alcoholism is different. How can I know if he will change how can I know how far gone he his?
"What if I leave him and he gets better? What if I left the one man I've ever loved?"
"What if the skies just opened and a great voice boomed down on me to tell me what to do." Would I do it, even then?