Hi Everyone, thanks for reading and for being part of such a great community!
So my wife and I have come across a bit of a hurdle in our daughter's recovery process and I found this site searching for some help and thoughts about our current situation.
It would probably make the most sense to start with a little background on the situation...
Our daughter moved out of the house at 18. She was working 10 hours a week at the time, not interested in school, and spending most of her days hanging out with friends (or getting READY to hang out with friends). At the time we believed she was "partying" and had way too much time on her hands so we gave her an ultimatum...go to school full time OR get a full time job so she can start paying for her fair share. She opted for option C...move out.
After a pretty rocky 2 years, fast forward to this summer...She called and said she was moving back to town because she got a DUI, wrecked her car and broke up with her boyfriend. At the time she was planning on moving in with someone else but after a stay in a hospital for substance abuse, alcohol, the works, she moved back home with us.
For 2 months she agreed to be on "lockdown" at home, and went through a local dependency program. She completed the program and is now ready to be social again.
So here's the dilemma...we know she needs to be around other people and not be home bound. However, it seems as though she is now using AA as a social outlet, which is good, but we're starting to see patterns that are eerily similar to the patterns we saw before she moved out the first time. Not necessarily with drugs or alcohol (yet), but with her attitude on going out and socializing.
Let me give you an example before I stop rambling
... She wanted to stay the night at a friends house the day she finished the dependency program, we suggested they stay at our house. She said they were going to go to a restaurant and wanted to be out until 2, we suggested 12. We find out that she went to a Hookah lounge and a party instead of a restaurant, but was back around 12. Two days later there was a Young People's AA dance. She said she wasn't exactly sure when things ended but would try to be home by 12, but would call if this changed since she had to find a ride. She called because she had a ride but everyone was going to get something to eat, and she stays out until 3am.
Last night she said she was invited to watch a documentary on Bill W the founder of AA. They were going to start the movie at 10pm according to her. Her ride picks her up at 10:30pm instead and she comes home at 4am.
We don't want to micromanage her life, and we know ultimately her life decisions and her sobriety are up to her. BUT if possible, we want to make sure she is in a situation that will help her with her sobriety, not hurt it. We'd love to trust her and her decisions, but at the same time she doesn't really have a good track record at 20.
Any thoughts? Can anyone share a similar experience and what they learned based on how they approached the situation? I know everyone's different but I think some ideas here would really help us bridging the gap between being on "lockdown", and have positive social real world experiences.
BTW, my current plan is to sit down with her and write a physical contract. Clarifying what is expected of us (paying for medical treatment/programs, making sure her basic necessities are met so she can focus on recovery and not how she is going to pay rent, supporting her recovery 100% and helping as much as possible with travel,etc), and what is expected of her (being 100% committed to the next program starting this week, staying sober (no drugs, no alcohol of course), helping around the house, being home at reasonable hours that are appropriate for the household...12pm weeknights, 2am weekends).
IF you got this far in the post THANK YOU for listening and reading. It kinda helps just getting this out there if you know what I mean.
