It's so hard to live in the present and not get hung up on those memories of the good times. I can only imagine how much harder it would be when you share a child. I still look back sometimes and wish for the "good times" with my addict ex-boyfriend, but when I think about it now, with a couple years of distance, I can see that even during the times I remember as good, there were signs of trouble. If he has been on drugs for 20 years, then I am guessing that maybe he was using even when he was painting the baby's nursery?