Starlight---You DO have the strength and courage to do what you already recognize that you have to do.......it is just that it is lying dormant, right now. Our strength and courage comes forth, at just the "right" moment when there is no other option!! It is amazzzing how this happens!
The most important thing is for you to get your troops behind you. This will bring forth your self-confidence and give you the direction that you aren't feeling this very moment. It is actually astounding how fast this can happen once you start the ball rolling.
Get support--SR--we will walk with you, for sure. Go to alanon; get a personal counselor (and maybe, an alanon sponsor). Read all of the materials an the "Stickies" at the top of this page. Read some of the recommended books--knowlege is power. Think about what is happening to your children living in this environment. Mothers will often do for their children what they feel they can't do for themselves.
You can do this, Starlght, just as millions of women before you have done.
I want the best for you and your kids. I will keep you in my thoughts!
dandylion