I guess here is an update. Not too great. Pretty much have been drinking everyday since. Skipped a few days here and there. I pretty much drink all day. During the day I usually get a couple mikes harder lemonades to keep myself "normal?". Then in the evenings I start in on Vodka, or a couple of the Four Lokos, or an 12/18 pack of platinum bud light. That is a weekday norm. I have 3 kids going to 3 different schools, and I go to school as well still. I justify the mikes lemonades because they probably won't put me over the legal limit to drive. Although, I will sometimes still drink and drive, but no where near the extent of what I was doing before. On a weekend or days that I do not have to drive I can easily drink half of a 1.75 bottle of vodka, sometimes 3/4s of it. Gained a lot more weight even though I only eat about 100 calories in food a day. Guess that 2000 calories in alcohol i drink a day doesn't help lol. Somehow my liver is still great though? Gezz right now I am on my second drink already.
I left my husband about 8 months ago and am now living on my own. I am definitely MUCH happier. I would use him as a reason to drink, because of stress. I wondered if I left if the need to drink would go away, but that did not happen. Now I used the excuse that i have to take care of the kids all on my own, and that i am a grown woman (and if i want to drink in my own home whenever i want i am going to).
I want to stop due to calories, legal implications, to be a better mother, money, and to have that "weight of of my chest" feeling back. Truthfully I LOVE alcohol though. I am so happy and carefree when I drink. I get motivation and it makes everyday tasks half way enjoyable.
I just do not know what to do with myself. uggggg