GracieLou

I am at this step and humiliation is not what I feel but that comes much later and by the time you are at that step, then worry about that step.

I know that I have a tendency to worry and analyze situations WAY before I am even there. I run through the entire scenario in my head but that is the problem. It is all in my head. I can twist and warp something from nothing.

I tried AA almost ten years ago too. I was sober for five months then then relapsed and never went back. I went there thinking I could get the information and fix myself. That if I went to meetings that I would stop drinking but to be honest I did not want to stop drinking. I knew I had a problem but I was willing to live with it.

Ten years later I was not willing to live with it so I took a leap of faith in AA.

Are you me? I could have written that post almost word for word. My experience has mirrored yours.

I was too at the point of isolation. I even drank the drinkers away.

I am grateful for all that AA has brought me but I never thought in a million years that the people would be a big key for me.

I went from someone that did not want to be around anyone. I wanted to be left alone to drink the way I wanted to. I did not want to be bothered. Conversation with others was so taxing. It took me away from wanting to be alone. I loathed the thought of company coming over or god forbid I had to go somewhere. I was never afraid to socialize, I was to selfish to do it. If I was not getting something that benefited me in some way I did not want to be bothered.

The fellowship of AA has grabbed right out of that heap of despair. I could go on but your post pretty much sums up what I would have written. It too saved my life. It did not fix my old life, I got an entire new one.