SnoozyQ

Hi everyone .
I would just like a bit of input as to how any of you have found AA meetings.

I have been less than half a dozen times about 10 years ago.

I didn't feel comfortable with the apologising to people step as i would have found this too humiliating, as i had humiliated myself enough already.
Im not anti prayer or anything like that, i don't know what i believe , to be honest.

The same people seemed to take the floor and the same again just sat quietly , never interjecting.

Maybe now i may have more courage to speak as i am older. But then again , maybe not.

I just feel as though i need a little something more at this stage of my recovery ( almost 3 months ) but I'm just not quite sure what that " something " is .

Xxx :horse

Coldfusion

Hi Snoozy,

The apologizing to people step comes way into the program, and you are given lots of opportunity to work through your reluctance. I wouldn't give up the fellowship and all the rest AA has to offer just because of my fear of amends.

I explore the topic of religion here at SR as well as with my sponsor, but at meetings everyone is fine with "higher power of your choosing."

But the bit about the same people talking--that may be a characteristic of your local meetings. I accept the quirks and flaws of my local group because that is the group I must be in if I want to stay sober.

I truly hope you go back to meetings, it is always nice to see a new face and hear a fresh voice.

∞CF

Doogie92

How have you made it three months on your own? The max I have ever done is 21 days, any tips? . As for your question I've only been to aa once, ever and that was two days ago lol, debating on whether or not to go back myself

robgt350

well i think that is a question only you can answer. for me it was not successful. but i did become successful for 10 months now!

Dee74

I think if you think it might help, why not go along Snoozy?

you don't have to sign up for a sponsor right away or at all if you don't want to, but as coldfusion says they have the steps in order for a reason, try not to run too far ahead

D

digdug

Because this is an AA post, I want to preface that these are only personal experiences and that just because AA works for me doesn't mean it's the only way.

Before rehab, I had no real concept of AA besides what I saw on TV. I had no biases, positive or negative.

But I was so beaten down, broken, ashamed, scared, and tired by the time I was lucky enough to find a bed in rehab. I went to a 12-step based treatment facility. We had daily AA and NA meetings, along with small group counseling and lectures.

I had nothing else to do but listen intently when outside speakers would come in and share their experiences of how their life was, what happened, and how it is today. I saw the joy in their eyes. The confidence in their voices. I wanted that so badly.

I was also bored so I started reading the big book. Every page was like a mirror. Every sentence was like it was written just for me.

I am lucky that after 30 days inpatient, and thus, 30+ AA meetings, that I felt comfortable walking into the rooms once I made it back out into the real world.

But I was still scared, nervous that I wouldn't be accepted. I was a shy little boy. I arrived at meetings with a minute to spare and was out the door the moment we finished the serenity prayer. I never spoke. Never introduced myself. I sat off to the side.

But I had lived my life in isolation. I drank until I had no friends. My girlfriend had broken up with me right before rehab. I was all alone.

So maybe my 2nd or 3rd meeting, a guy came up and spoke to me. Just asked if I was new, how I was doing, etc. Small talk. But his kindness gave me the courage to raise my hand during the meeting and say I was new and needed help. Before I could blink, a beginner's packet was being passed around and signed by all the men in the room. I was encouraged to call anyone if I had any issues.

I didn't want to relapse. I didn't want to die. So I just kept showing up. When It was suggested I get a sponsor, I followed the suggestion. When it was suggested I take a service commitment, I obliged. When I was invited out to coffee or breakfast, I tagged along.

I started hanging out more after the meetings and getting to know people. I started going to different meetings and found a few that I really related to with my people age and issues. But the biggest thing? I started making friends. And I followed up by calling and texting these guys.

Everything else has taken care of itself. My sponsor has helped me begin working the steps. I have better friends now than I've ever had in my life. People I can really open up to and be myself around. And I'm the shy, introvert who prefers the comfort of a dark and deserted room!

I do not fight the program. I take what I need. I'm not a religious person, so my higher power isn't a god in the traditional sense. It is personal to me and it works for me. No one has ever told me what to believe in. It was suggested that I pray so I started praying. I didn't even know exactly what to at first. Just asking something out there to help me stay sober and thanking whatever is out there for helping me through the day.

AA is not rocket science. We make it far more complicated as it is. All I've done is follow the suggestions of those with more time than me, especially my sponsor.

I share my triumphs and fears in meetings now. I am more respectful of others. I accept that I cannot control every situation or person in my life. I show love to those that love me like my family.

I am beginning to feel like a new person and I am only on step 5. I don't worry about what I have to do down the road with amends. I know the steps are in order for a reason so when I reach that point, I will be ready.

This has all happened in six months. I am happy. I don't think I've ever been happy before.

Maybe I just go lucky. Maybe I just went into it willingly and with an open mind. I don't know why AA works for me. I don't really care. But I have my life back. My family notices a huge difference in my behavior. To me, AA is not about just quitting the drink. It's about quitting the person I used to be and becoming a new and improved person.

It saved my life.

I wish I could say that it works this way for everyone, but I know it doesn't.

But I guess the only way to find out if it works for you is to give it another go. But this time, with an open mind and a willingness to take suggestions without fighting every little detail along the way.

And I think people who are able to stay sober with other methods besides AA are just as courageous and successful. To me, it's not about the journey, it's the result. If we all come out sober, successful people, who cares if it's AA, this site, or another program.

But if what you're doing now isn't working, try something different.

Stash

I've only gone to one meeting for myself,I've gone with other people as support but I enjoyed it every time I went. It was good to hear from people and to focus on someone else for a few minutes. It won't hurt to give it a try, you don't have to dedicate your life to attend every meeting. Just try it out and see how you like it. If you want to be heard just speak up. Everyone is there to listen and help each other. Whatever u decide to do will be the right choice for you and that's all that matters. <3

Bubovski

I first tried AA in 1995 as part of detox and also attended meetings after this.
Sadly, later tried "moderate drinking" which was largely a 'dry drunk' sort of thing.

Back with AA this year and its really been a breath of fresh air in many respects.
Suggest you really give it a fair trial and try and find groups you feel comfortable with.
AA is not for everyone but IMO its well worth some time and effort.

Kaneda8888

Hey Snoozy

Welcome to another Strailyan

Digdug is far more eloquent than me and he has got it pretty much bang on. The objective is to become and remain sober. AA is one, amongst many, ways of achieving that goal.

I have been going to AA for several months now. In our part of the world, AA is pretty relaxed and easy going. It is absolutely obligation free and really, its up to you to decide whether it is something that will work for you. However, to be successful at AA, you do need to work at your sobriety. This means going regularly to meetings (the common theme is 90 meetings in 90 days for newcomers but its only a suggestion), finding a sponsor and eventually doing the steps. Note that you do not have to do the steps. It is highly recommended and the majority of those who are old timers in AA have done the steps. However, there are some members who have been sober for years and have not done the steps. The major commitment AA does ask is that you keep attending meetings. The belief is that nothing beats receiving f2f group therapy from other alcoholics. Even my psychiatrist firmly believes that AA is the most effective long term treatment of alcoholism. I would also recommend going into the 12-step recovery forum on SR and having a read.

My recommendation is that you give it a shot. Try a few meetings and see if the members connect with you. Also try other programs such as AVRT, Smart, etc. Be flexible and keep an open mind.

Whichever program you choose,the sole aim is to achieve the goal of maintaining sobriety ! I wish you only the best for your sobriety.

FeenixxRising

Snoozy, because it's been many years since you last attended, I see no reason not to give it another try. The only thing you have to lose is time. I would also suggest trying different meetings in your area. You don't have to commit to anything, nor do you have to speak. I suggested different meetings because each group/meeting has a different dynamic, so if one group doesn't seem to fit, try another.

As for the Steps, I also have issues with the making amends part, but I'm not even close to that particular step, so I'll worry about it if and when I get there.

Hope this helps.

Mentium

I subscribe to the 'take what you need and leave the rest' approach with AA. As a dyed in the wool atheist I can't accept the higher power approach, though I choose to think of my local group in those sort of terms I suppose. I also have very mixed feelings about the Steps. Some I think probably help to establish a bit of mental equilibrium if there are emotional causes for problem drinking, which I guess is a good thing. Personally I go for the peer support. For me this is essential. Nobody at my local group tries to get me to believe anything I don't wish to, though some lead by example - and some of them I have to say are very good at that.

GracieLou

I am at this step and humiliation is not what I feel but that comes much later and by the time you are at that step, then worry about that step.

I know that I have a tendency to worry and analyze situations WAY before I am even there. I run through the entire scenario in my head but that is the problem. It is all in my head. I can twist and warp something from nothing.

I tried AA almost ten years ago too. I was sober for five months then then relapsed and never went back. I went there thinking I could get the information and fix myself. That if I went to meetings that I would stop drinking but to be honest I did not want to stop drinking. I knew I had a problem but I was willing to live with it.

Ten years later I was not willing to live with it so I took a leap of faith in AA.

Are you me? I could have written that post almost word for word. My experience has mirrored yours.

I was too at the point of isolation. I even drank the drinkers away.

I am grateful for all that AA has brought me but I never thought in a million years that the people would be a big key for me.

I went from someone that did not want to be around anyone. I wanted to be left alone to drink the way I wanted to. I did not want to be bothered. Conversation with others was so taxing. It took me away from wanting to be alone. I loathed the thought of company coming over or god forbid I had to go somewhere. I was never afraid to socialize, I was to selfish to do it. If I was not getting something that benefited me in some way I did not want to be bothered.

The fellowship of AA has grabbed right out of that heap of despair. I could go on but your post pretty much sums up what I would have written. It too saved my life. It did not fix my old life, I got an entire new one.

hayley86

I am of the opinion that there might be lots to gain from going to AA and not much to lose, so why not give it a try. I dont currently attend AA but i have been to many meetings in the past when i first wanted to quit drinking and they did help. I am nearly a year into my recovery now and i am also thinking of what extra support might be useful and AA is something i am also considering myself. For me i tend to think the more support i can get and the more proactive i can be with my recovery the better.

wpainterw

Meetings vary from meeting to meeting. AA isn't perfect and some folks may become concerned by what they perceive an overemphasis on the so called "God Stuff", a focus on "character defects", etc. Some of this may be due historically to AA founders having been influenced by the so called Oxford Group, a mid 19th Century evangelical movement. Personally I found that the benefit of having the counsel and companionship of other recovering alcoholics far outweighed some of the negative factors and I got sobriety in an agnostics group even though I am not really an agnostic. The main thing is that I was able to stop drinking and have remained so for 25 years. That's what's important to me. So my advice is to find what works for you and give it all you've got. You'll never regret it.

W.

SnoozyQ

Thanks all , i appreciate your thoughts ...

Looking online for local meetings ,
I might give it a go...nothing to lose eh ?

Joe Nerv

The reluctance you feel to make ammends to people you have harmed, might be the very thing that keeps you from ever getting sober. Getting and staying sober takes change. If we stay the people we were only sans alcohol, then all we wind up with is a person who wishes they could (and wants to) drink, but doesn't. All the people I know who have been through the steps eventually lose their desire for alcohol, and live a life free of that struggle.

As others have said, the ammends stuff is way down the list. And if you look at the step that preceeds it, it says, "Became willing to make ammends." You're not expected, especially at this point, to be wanting or willing to make ammends. Ya got a long way to go before even considering it. And guess what, if you get to that point and decide you aren't ready or still don't want to make ammends, you can spend as much time as you want working on the willingness. And there's no rules saying you ever have to do it anyhow. If you don't attend AA you won't do it. Might as well attend AA and give yourself some hope of one day being in a healthier state that will desire to do it.

Interesting thing about the steps for me, is that a lot of times they just seemed to happen. Almost as though I was on automatic pilot. There were ammends I never thought I'd have any desire to make, and one day I just found myself handing over money I owed, or talking to a person I never thought I would again... owning up to my part in garbage that took place in our relationship. There were 2 in particular that stood out, but I don't have the time to write about them. Just found myself making the ammends, feeling as though I were possessed or something... and once it was done, I can't even begin to tell you the feeling of freedom I had. But again, that came down the line for me. I spent a lot of time with the 7 steps that came before that, before I even considered looking closesly at the people I had harmed.

You're in the perfect place to start this journey. You're not supposed to want to make ammends. I highly recommend diving in. It's been working wonderfully for me for over 29 years now.

keithj

I'm a long time member of AA, active in the fellowship and in working with others. Obviously, I found that it worked wonders for me. When I started attending, I had already been through doctors, counselors, a few treatment programs, and inpatient rehab, so I was pretty beaten and desperate to try anything that might have a chance of keeping me sober. I didn't agree with much of anything in those Steps, but I had to admit that there were people there who drank like I did, and they were sitting there sober and happy. So I was willing to do what they showed me.

What I've seen over the years of working with other guys is that the 12 Steps can work for anyone willing to do them.

Anna

Snoozy, if you think it would work for you, then go. The most important thing is to stay sober and recover.

Mountainmanbob

wakko

AA save my life but I did not go willingly. I had been to 20 or 30 meetings over a period of 20 years. I didn't have anything against AA but I was not like those people. I was a special alcoholic a term that I have come to learn is called terminal uniqueness.

I went back because the psychologist for my IOP and my wife were on my back to go. I went complaining whining and crying. At the meeting I found healthy happy people and I sure as heck was not healthy or happy. I left a meeting feeling better and the compulsion to drink was less.

I've been going for over 3 years now 4 to 6 times per week. I am amazed but AA works for me. I would not worry about God a higher power or the steps in the beginning. Just sit, listen, and build a network sober friends. The rest will fall in place when you are ready and willing.