Ridiculous how amazing it is to have this site, with all of you here commenting.
That said, I drank again tonight. Like Scott responded to I flipped my switch and now am drinking again. As my wife just said to me a bit ago, I am back drinking. She seemed both sad, mildly angry and resigned.
Tomorrow I'm going to re-read Rational Recovery in its entirety and reach out to this one guy I know from AA who I really liked. I'm calling tomorrow Day 1 again.