Hi Oliveyu,
My heart goes out to you and your children. As an adult child of an alcoholic who survived an alcoholic father who intimidated and bullied I can tell you the emotional impact on me and my future relationships has been lifelong.
Being raised as you and I were in highly dysfunctional families of origin scars us and sets us up to "fall in love" with personality types that "take us home" where we subconsciously act out the broken relationships. I am speaking for me but the men who "lit my fire" were very much like my father in charm, personality, manipulaters and almost always alcoholic.
Sadly, the family disease of alcoholism and codependency can become a generational cycle where our children whom we did not protect from the insanity go on to marry alcoholics or become one. We are hardwired in childhood and those "intense feelings" that we often confuse with love can just be plain bad wiring!
The good news is that we can choose to get better through our own efforts at recovery and we can protect our children by exposing them to the truth about alcoholism, codependency and arm them with their own recoveries through alateen and counseling.
My mother did not protect me. She didn't get us out of the crazy, dangerous world of alcoholism I grew up in. I blame her more than my father if blame is to be placed anywhere... but blame doesn't change my past and only I can change my future. And after I became an adult and started learning about myself I made sure I protected my kids by making sure their childhood was free from stress and worry of living with an active addict as a parent. I made sure they got counseling because they did have an addict for a father that they had a relationship and visitation with... with boundaries of safety established.
I know this is long... but I am speaking for those that have no voice. Your children. Someday like me they will grow up and they will look back on their childhood and like all of us will judge your choices that impacted them for life. Trust me... they MUST know what is unacceptable behavior from a man or father and you must establish boundaries that enforce that concept by action.
DO NOT ALLOW any man... especially a drunken father to abuse you or your children! Ever! Please, please do set up a plan of action to get out of the home if you need to for safety.
And until an alcoholic wants recovery more than their next breath of oxygen there will be no real change... there must be a huge psychic change and an authentic program of recovery by the alcoholic. Understanding that fact means that you might want to consider developing plan A, plan B and plan C... things will most likely get worse statistically.
I know where you are is hard... very hard. I have been the child, the wife and the mother. Alcoholism doesn't run in my family it flows through it like Niagara Falls! However, you can do it... you really can. Get a support network, learn all you can about the disease, make plans and contingency plans and in time you will know what path to take.
Good luck and you and your family are in my prayers....