Stuckinfear
I could have written your exact post! My AH did and said the exact same thing. And my feelings were the same as yours.
If we went to dinner and he DIDN'T order a beer or glass of wine he would look over the alcohol beverage menu and make comments waiting for me to say "do what you want". It got to the point where I no longer wanted to go out to dinner with him.
The others are right - he is not in recovery. My AH did this only 1 or 2 thing, then 1or2 for several days, then stop and start again. Then while on vacation 2-1/2 months ago he went all in and it was like he never stopped. In fact it was MUCH worse than before.
Listen to your gut instincts. I wish I would have.