You're spinning wheels, Ache. Been there, done that myself, so I get you.
As someone said, it's time to make some big changes in order to make things better. You get to decide what those changes are. Please take a leap of faith and believe that things will get better if you take some different actions. Please stick with it, Ache. You CAN feel better. You CAN have what you need. I'm believing it for you till you can believe it, ok?
Hugs,
June