Welcome to the forum.
Was great to read your posts and the replies. I love coming on here and learning about how others work there program's and what they learn in meetings. Keeps me on track.
I'm an al anoner thru and thru and I finally got that when I began a (another) relationship with an alcoholic - a sober member of AA. And not long after that relationship began I started to have fantasies about killing him because I was so resentful at his lack of gratitude for all the help I was giving him. He was newly sober and I let him move in with me without contributing $$ to the household, took him to meetings or let him use my car, tried to help him get a job, invited his mates over etc... I basically took over the running of his life.
I had been to al anon before when I was in another relationship with an A but found the whole thing confusing however this time I rang a good friend (who'd been to al anon) and was complaining to her about how crap it all was and that this relationship was looking to pan out like my previous ones. And she pretty much said to me, unless you change it will be. It was an Ouchie moment.
So I started attending al anon and have been ever since. That relationship lasted 4 years and during that time I had phases of being obsessed with ending it or continuing it. Seemed to be some kind of weird cycle however I did actually start to get well and develop my own life. And I actually noticed it because I stopped being so angry all the time and had long phases of just accepting life as it was.
I look back on those times now and see I learnt so much about myself and my need to be needed. I think it was were I got my sense of purpose. If someone needed me I felt great but left to my own devices I was at a loss.
My experience has been that just leaving a relationship doesn't cure the problems in me and it was a huge revelation to even learn I had a problem. I don't think this is the case for everyone tho and have met numerous people who leave and never return to a A relationship but mostly after a long period of time alone.
It sounds like you are going to do some great stuff for yourself but like others have said there will be consequences of those actions as you'll change the dynamics of the relationship.
It always helped me to think well he's got a right to be mad when I stopped doing stuff for my A as in a sense I had promised him the moon or been bringing it then not delivered. And that kinda of thing use to annoy me when others did it for me.
I think I suffered from the delusion he'd say 'gee it's great your looking after yourself now!' I really have no idea where this thought came from but I thought it a lot. Caused me a lot of pain too but I kept rehashing it.
My relationship ended as I could not stand the anger or violence anymore and I was diagnosed with a serious health problem. I spent a bit of time wondering if I got the health problems from living with years of crap but something I have learnt in al anon is it is my 2nd nature to attribute more power to people in my life than they actually have.
I just wanted to say what ever you chose to do will be ok and coming here is an excellent start.