So last night I was chatting on skype to my GF, we are having a long distance relationship, which has an indefinite end at the moment, which makes things hard enough.... but last night chatting and she tells me she has been invited onto a merchant bankers 'clipper boat'. I looked it up and is one of those HUGE old boats with 12 sails and its own crew etc. She is working in the top of her field, gets flown all over the world, goes to restraunts with one year waiting lists, and has such an amazing life. Here I am, half a world away, and I will never be able to provide that lifestyle for her. We love each other more than I thought possible, and I tell her about my difficulties with alcohol and when I slip up, etc. But woke up this morning feeling miserable, and very inadequate, and immediately wanted to get horribly drunk and run away from my emotions. I won't, have chosen not to, but still feel horrible.
Fighting a hard battle today
