I can't hear it enough that this isn't about me, but his disease.
His drinking is NOT about you!!
What you do own is.....why you stayed for as long as you did and what benefits did you receive from it? Why you don't think you deserve more and why your thinking lies with "him possible getting sober without you", what does that mean and why does that impact you so much?
See, you have all these why's about yourself to focus on now and you can't do that very well if all that thinking is tied to him and his issues.