LightInside, I don't have as much time to reply as I would like to have, but I want to tell you that NOTHING YOU DID, NOTHING YOU ARE, NOTHING YOU USED TO BE, is causing him to drink. NOTHING. Please understand that. He drinks b/c he is an alcoholic, pure and simple. And IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Please stop dissecting every single thing about how you have changed and the relationship has changed and how that caused him to drink. Normal, healthy people in normal, healthy relationships DO change. They DO grow. It would be so abnormal for someone to not think, believe and act differently at 45 with 2 grown kids than at 21, single and not an obligation in the world.
My A slapped me w/that same thing: "When we met, you were a lot of fun, we did this and that, and then somewhere along the line you turned into a goody 2-shoes." Now that set me back a bit, as I certainly would never have characterized myself as a goody 2-shoes, then OR now! But what I realized was that I no longer was his drinking pal. Over the years I quit smoking, cut waaay back on my drinking, began to pay attention to eating better and exercising, went back to school to get a decent job, focused on paying off ALL our bills, including house and car payments--all that sort of "boring and responsible" stuff that people do as they get older and start to realize they need to take charge of their life. So we are here, totally debt free, and he is telling me that he drinks b/c I am a "goody 2-shoes"? Drink away--if your "freedom" is in a bottle, mine is in being healthy, strong and financially stable.
Again, he can come up with reasons for his drinking till the cows come home, and doubtless they will all involve forces outside himself--but as I have heard said many times, if YOU could make him drink, then couldn't YOU make him stop, too?
Gotta go, but hope this was of some use to you. I think you'll hear a lot of similar stories. Don't write yourself off as a boring person, cramping the style of the "free" alcoholic, cuz it is simply NOT TRUE!