HissyCrissy, welcome!
Al-anon is a great resource. I highly recommend it. I was so confused and hurt and wondering what was true about my A, and being there really helped me. The truth is, you are fine.
What abusers do is called 'intermittent reinforcement.' They are so loving--then so hateful, and we spend ALL of our energy trying to figure out the rules, so they'll stay loving. Maybe if I just did the dishes right, or spent less, or kept the kids quiet while he's trying to sleep.....
With an Alcoholic abuser, that thinking creates an agreement. You both agree that YOU, the victim, could do something differently to stop his behavior. THAT IS FALSE. It's hard to get away, because it's like a gambling addiction...you're just about to hit the love jackpot.....if you leave, you say goodbye to a possibility. It's painful. But your kids need more than a possibility of love and peace, they need the real thing from you. And it sounds like your A is pushing you away.
I felt more peace when I realized that booze was the wife. I was just the girlfriend on the side.
I feel for you with a pregnancy and young child. Al-Anon, sober recovery forums, therapy, domestic violence organizations--they can do wonders to relieve the fear and self-blame, and replace it with laughter and a solid future, where you can BE the stability for your family that you crave. Hugs and best of luck to you!