Oh sweetie,
If sticking around and not abandoning our alcoholic loved ones was the key to them getting better this board wouldn't exist.
I am very sorry for what you are going through. I understand being with someone who becomes a monster when he drinks. I get it. I also understand why it feels like you are abandoning him. There is a possibility that this could progress to a point where you are in real danger. At that point, you may see it as saving yourself, rather than abandoning him. I hope for you and your child(ren), it doesn't come to that.
Those three C's can be powerful when they sink in.
You didn't cause it
You can't cure it
You can't control it
There are some great resources available to you so you can get a better understanding of what you are dealing with and what it means to be sick with codependency. There are some great stickys at the top of this board as a start. I would also recommend Melodie Beatty's "Codependent No More."
Another great idea is to keep posting here. I have learned so much and received such wonderful support from these amazing people.
Take good care of you...your babies need you.
Hugs,
MamaKit