((TTLG3)
sending out prayers & good thoughts for you ~ I can only imagine how much pain & hurt you feel right now
as others have shared - please know this has nothing to do with you or your precious boys ~ it's about him and his disease ~ it is selfish, self-centered and self-seeking and that is the nature of the disease.
Also, please know just from my experience - it is much harder on children with parents that come in and out than those that just walk away completely. Neither is easy, but with my girls & granddaughters ~ each time this absent parent comes back in the picture ~ the naive child believes "this time it will be different" (I guess like I know I did for so many years with my ex ah)
I saw my daughters & now see my granddaughters go thru the emotions of thinking "this time I will be enough for them to want to be in my life for real"
We do counseling, journaling, and everything we can to try to help them and we make progress ~ until out of the blue that parent decides to "play" daddy for a day or so to ease their own pain - never really thinking about what is best for their child.
I truly wish them no harm - I pray for their sobriety and peace - but if they can't be healthy then I wish they would leave these little hearts alone - I think they deserve that.
Just my e, s, & h
PINK HUGS to you & your boys!