If he is a mess right now, it may be for the best. At least for right now.
Tomorrow, or some months, or some year(s) ahead, this may not be so. Let that day, if it comes, take care of itself, as well.
One Day At A Time, right?
I can tell you this -- learned it from my daughter, strangely enough, or perhaps she got it from me, dunno -- when you let go of Hope -- the pain stops, too.