I keep thinking that there will be a day that he will drink himself to death, it could be tomorrow or it could be two years from now. Regardless, his kids and I will never know. I'm struggling with the fact that the voicemails he left during his last temper tantrum are the last time I will hear the voice of the man who I love with all of my heart and I have children with. Months ago, when I ran into him at the grocery store and he was drunk, was the last time that I would lay eyes on him. The man I married and wanted to spend the rest of my life with never truly existed and the person who realistically was there instead has left and our sons will never get to meet him or even know if he is dead or alive. For most of his life he has chosen to be homeless and does everything he can to not leave a footprint from which he can be found.... It would be easier to find out that he was dead right now than to have to live with the unknown for the rest of my life.