One of the things you mention in your post is not talking to your husband about your recovery efforts. For me, not drinking and the support around that huge huge huge change in my life was necessary. You also mentioned not liking to engage in conflict with your husband. I'm sensing it is tough for you two to talk about the hard "stuff". Given your new sobriety as well as the issue of the instant messages popping up on facebook, some form of communication between you two is necessary. I am hoping that your anxiety will go away once you have done this. I'm really glad that you are back!!