Pleased to say I've got day one back
Felt so dehydrated, tired and almost sick earlier from nights drinking. I had a brief craving to drink but the thought of a night binging didn't seem very appealing tonight.
Wasn't just the physical aspect. Tonight I really pushed myself to 'play out' the night, and especially tomorrow. It didn't seem so flash. In doing so I arrived at tomorrow evening where I'd tell myself 'that' was the night I'd stop, after drinking last night (tonight), but I saw myself bringing the excuse of it being Friday... etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm very much one day at a time right now, but tonight just got me thinking a bit how it felt 'odd' I wasn't drinking (and how that's odd), and even know I felt pretty sick I was still considering drinking... What kind of logic is that.
Not sure if I'm making much sense? I've read some post about 'playing the tape'. I'll Google it tomorrow to read up on and if anyone has a link handy I'd love if they wouldn't mind sharing. Think this is similar to urge surfing too?
I love the feeling of laying in bed sober. I miss this. I've got three places from my GP to read up on tomorrow that offer face to face counselling for alcohol and I'll make the calls tomorrow afternoon. Must admit I'm a little dubious as when I pursued over the phone counselling the general message back was that this is more habitual for me in that it plays on my obsessive side, but really it has to be deeper than that. Maybe I need to go to deeper than that.
I felt a bit lonely tonight. Someone I miss that has both turned my life upside down and bought me so much happiness over the years. I no longer have them. Sorry, now I'm rambling and this isn't isolated to just that, but I wanted to say it.
I'll need to fight really damn hard tomorrow. Bring it.
Thank you all for your posts
