And yet other days, I miss him like nothing else. Or rather, I miss the "him" that he was. Years ago before he was saturated with this poison.
We talk sometimes. He is starting his own recovery and I don't get involved. That's on him now. But I see and hear his pain. I no longer try to save him or rescue him. But it hurts.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's like a death, isn't it? The man I loved isn't here anymore, even when my STBXAH is sober. It's so difficult to comprehend that someone you loved so dearly is no longer walking this earth -- and yet he is.
Keep venting. Take care of yourself -- be extra kind to yourself. Do the next right thing, whatever that is.