I'm assuming that he wants to get help for himself because I can't imagine him wanting to die. Maybe he does. I hear it's the ultimate high for heroin addicts. That would be something me and my kids would be left with to deal with.
He is saying that if he relapses again he is going to kill himself. I believe that to be true and would like to believe that some kind of divine intervention will happen to prevent that. For some, it does. For others, it doesn't.
I'm hoping that he will find the reason he's using. He told me the last time I saw him that he he thinks he knows but even after 12 years together cannot tell me. Which I respect. I told him I don't need to know.
All of his family (except me) are active addicts. My kids may or may not be addicts when they get older. Because addiction runs so heavily on his side of the family. (a huge fear)All I can try to do is be the best mother I can possibly be.
If he chooses to not do the program then I will know that he's not serious about his life and will just end up killing himself. I think it's very sad that people give up on themselves. I think that if he had to live a life in prison that would be better than death for him. At least he wouldn't be wasting the gift of life God has given him. It's all his choice. I just have to focus on the very real reality that these things may happen. If they do, I have to be strong for my kids. I have to move forward. Thankfully I know my HP is taking care of me. That he has a plan for my life and that i'm loved unconditionally. All I can do is love him from afar (loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them).
I'm just hoping, this time, he finds REAL friends and forms a good brotherhood among others that know where he's coming from. A house where drugs were always sold, and friends that mostly have all died from addiction.
It's quite sad.