Well, your situation is mine 10 years ago. My kids are now 14 and 17, and we all still live in the same household with my AH. We are not divorced at this point. Did I do the right thing? Probably not, Maybe? I still don't know. But, my kids are well provided for, doing great in school and their personal lives, and they know that their Dad loves them despite his illness... which is what it is, an all consuming sickness. They learned that not only from me, but also by going thru a rehab facility family program about alcoholism. It hasn't been pretty for my kids all the time, because well, life isn't pretty all the time. We all have our demons. But, I don't feel it's been the most horrible life for them either- partly because I do live with a functioning alcoholic yet. I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, but I grew up with a mentally ill mother instead. So, IMO very few homes, or people are perfect no matter what you try to control. I guess it's all in what you determine is livable or not. My husband isn't abusive or non-functioning, if he had been then I would have left for sure. I have learned to detach from my emotional needs as his wife, and learned I didn't need to feel bad about rejecting him when he's drunk, I don't need to give into anything when he's like that, you don't either. Obviously it is and will continue to affect your lives in various ways, but it's really up to you to determine what's too much. If you don't want to go to Alanon because you're not comfortable with it yet, at least hang out on here, read some books, Co-dependent no More is a great resource to start with. I know many would criticize my decision to stay, but I honestly think every home and situation is different and there is no one answer that fits all. My heart goes out to you.