Goingalone, for right now--keep doing exactly what you are doing--reaching out in a proactive way. LEARN, LEARN, LEARN. Knowlege is power. Read all of the information in the "stickies" at the top of this main page--a wealth of information there. There are many classic readings suggested, there. "Co-dependent No More" is a frequent starting point for many of us.
Attending alanon will support you as you sort out many of the concerns that you have, right now.
As you go forward, the fog will begin to lift for you.
I know how we all cling to hope that "he will stop and everything will be fine", but remember that hope is a wish--but is not a plan.
dandylion