I haven't gone to any meetings yet. This is the first place I've turned. I've more or less been suffering in silence. The kids are so young at this point that they don't really understand & he's a closet drinker, so they don't see it. If he was ranting & stumbling around where they could see, we would have been gone yesterday. He usually starts drinking at 6ish, so that's the time I am making dinner, bedtime routines, etc... so they are busy with me & don't notice. To them, Daddy is the person that comes inside for 5 min. at a time, gives them a hug & then goes back outside. For the last few nights, I have gone to bed with the kids & left him up drinking. I am choosing not to be a part of that, but it's a very lonely choice. I also know shielding them in this way won't be possible forever. I know he loves us (and we love him) & he works so hard to provide for us, but the drinking is the giant elephant in the room & it's growing. I agree with what so many of you have said that I will know when the time is right to leave. Today, I don't think leaving is the right choice. I don't have enough facts about separating to make a decision I am comfortable with. Even though it may be naïve, I also still have hope that he will stop & everything will be fine. However, I also don't want to look back in 5 years & think "Why did I stay so long & now I have wasted important years of my kids' lives and my life?". I'm not sure if leaving would be easier when the kids are younger or older. My oldest daughter is old enough to remember our life together, but the baby won't know any different. Anyone have experience with this and like to weigh in?
From those of you that have separated or divorced due to alcoholism, how does that weigh in on custody of children? If at some point, we do separate due to his drinking, there is no way I would want my children under his care if he is drinking.
Thanks for listening. It makes me feel so much better just knowing that I'm not the only one going through this.