Pravchaw, and wow, English Garden, what an incredibly spot-on response, I am so moved by both of you. I spoke to a dear NarAnon friend today and we were sharing about how easy it is for the NarAnon "plug" to be dislodged sometimes, and your whole beautiful bubble bath just starts pouring down the drain...Now when I start to feel a little over-confident in my (new) settled sense of relief regarding my RAD, all it takes is a very slight pull, and that plug starts letting the water flow...
It is ALL about OUR spiritual journey, not that of our addicts. It is about OUR fears and patterns. That is all we can control. Yesterday I missed my daughter's voice, so I called her. She answered, cool, disinterested, distracted. I crumbled when we hung up. Had she RELAPSED??? Was she HIGH? Who knows, but know I sure relapsed! My need to have her be happy and grateful to talk to me after a month of only occasional texting did not get met.
I don't mean to hijack this post, but I just relate so well to what you are going through, Pravchaw, and I so appreciate the extended and powerful reply, EG. It has been a rough few days for me. I am in a new job, commuting to a new town, new campus, and missing my family...I realized yesterday that I am very vulnerable to relapses right now.
Thank you both for honesty and compassion in this journey of the soul.