[QUOTE=GoingAlone2;4162250. Or even worse he can't remember that we talked about it & gets upset at me the next day for how I handled it. He also goes off on these crazy tangents instead of discussing the facts. He's not a violent drunk, but instead turns into the "clingy/needy" drunk. [/QUOTE]
This was exactly my situation. Sometimes, with all the awful stories of alcoholic violence that I would read here (and elsewhere), I would get confused about how bad things were with my XABF. He never abused me physically, after all...
BUT, he DID make me question my sanity (over and over), try to shift blame to me (you are the liar, you don't love me enough, it's all because I miss you so much), act extremely needy (because he had alienated everyone else, and couldn't work), and leave me feeling generally miserable and unsettled much of the time.
Because of the active alcoholism, he was simply not able to be a reliable, loving partner, even though I know it's what he wanted. And he certainly could not be a stable, caring adult in my daughters' lives.
In the end, he actually admitted to being BROKEN and a LIABILITY, which I do give him credit for saying. However, shortly after saying that, he was begging me to be with him. That's how alcoholics think.
But we do not have to think the way they think. Period. You do have somewhere to turn and you have turned here. Please keep reading, and posting. The wisdom and experience on this site are amazing, and can help you build a vision of a better life for you and your children. Whether your husband ever seeks recovery, or not.
Take care,
SQ