It is always really a spiritual challenge, isn't it, pravchaw? Because this is a life lesson in surrender to what is happening which is beyond your control, and that is a spiritual challenge which can go either way....we can become bitter and disillusioned or we can open ourselves spiritually and place our lives and the lives of our dear ones in the care of the Divine and accept that we do not know what is anyone's highest good, and we cannot know how any person will develop nor should we assume we know what any individual's path should be. Even the alcoholic in the gutter may be serving a Divine purpose we do not understand.
Though I am not an addict, I did marry a severely alcoholic man in my 20's, and surely it must have been painful for my mother to see me do so, for she knew he was alcoholic long before I did, and tried to tell me, but I attributed his drinking to stress. Nothing she could say to me would change the course of events. I had to experience the consequences of my choice of him as husband, and I did in many terrifying and traumatizing ways. And her love and her concern for me could not direct me. It all was a matter between myself and God.
But that experience pushed me into counseling and into Al-Anon, and as a result, I received blessings from what was at the onset a nightmare of a marriage. And I would still make mistakes in the future, as a result of codependent tendencies to rationalize and not see people as they really are, but my mistakes have served to humble me, make me more compassionate toward others who are totally lost--especially the young--and so what began as a very bad marriage was the beginning of a genuine journey of the soul.
And I think this is your journey of the soul, too. There is nothing like powerlessness to bring us to the Source all of life. All the great spiritual traditions speak of fear as the absence of faith in a higher power, for faith is the source of serenity. This the the core of the 12 Step program but it is simply drawn from the spiritual teachings of many traditions. When people go to Al-Anon, they sometimes lose patience within the first few meetings because they are still approaching the problem with their egos: they are wanting to Fix things, and are unwilling to simply place themselves in a room of others seeking a higher spiritual understanding and allow the Divine spirit to unfold things in the right time, according to a plan that is beyond our comprehension. They say "the meetings aren't working for me" because they have not yet even worked the First Step of accepting powerlessness over their situation.
Your son is in the belly of the beast, but in that darkness is where change is forged, and you cannot know how that will happen or when or even if it will be change that you will be able to see and to understand in your lifetime. It is between him and his Creator.
The more fear you feel, the more you will be helped by any spiritual action, whether that is more meetings and work with a sponsor, a religious faith you go more deeply into, reading books by spirituals teachers, or going on spiritual retreat. We all need factual information in coping with addiction in our lives, but once the facts are gathered, we then need help with our fears.
It's good, so good, you go to meetings. The challenge for you at present is simply that: the "present". You seem very locked into the tick-tock of time, regarding your son. When you find release from that, you will feel even better. You will get there.