Originally Posted by
honeypig 
Hi, bsktlady--glad you found your way here. It's a great community, with lots of very straight talk.
Your husband is lying and is on the verge of cheating, from what you say, and I guess really, can you be absolutely sure he hasn't already cheated? Can you be absolutely sure he hasn't been drinking? You are right, this does not sound like recovery at all. Sometimes removing the alcohol from the equation only results in a sober person w/lots of OTHER problems.
I'm going to suggest that you do return to Alanon, but NOT b/c maybe if you do so, your hub will return to AA.
You said you "didn't know what you were doing in Alanon." Well, what you would have been doing in Alanon would have been working on YOU--on how to make your life what you want it to be--rather than wanting to make someone else be what you want them to be. It sounds like it's time to maybe go back and really dig into what Alanon is all about.
In the meantime, do as much reading as you can here, and don't miss the stickies at the top of the page. I'm certain you'll find things that resonate with you and will help you see the path ahead of you. Again, welcome to SR.
Thanks Honeypig -- I can't be certain he hasn't cheated honestly, but my best guess is no he hasn't..we are very active in our church and I guess he believes that is sufficient since he is "giving back" to the community and he is to an extent...he told me before he was about to cheat it was because the lady "listened" and that our home was not a place of peace and serenity. he had major issues with my daughter who just moved (she is 18) and that's why she's not here...a majority of the reasons he had were valid...but small things about her just set him off into anger in 1 second...things like I mentioned she was spending the night 1 night a week while she's in school because where she's living is so far away..omg soo angry you'd had thought I told him I lost the house on a bet...and QUICK to anger about it too...I don't get it..
I want to call his sponsor..to get him to begin a dialogue with AH, but KNOW that's night the right thing to do and if the sponsor was a good one he probably wouldn't speak to me with AH there anyway.
I can't tell AH how I know about what he's been up to, because that isn't too honest either, but I feel as if I am doing it to save my marriage (this is where I think AL ANON meetings probably would be a great idea about now!!)
so lost, saying prayers and hoping for the best, I like it here, the is no BS and ugliness but honesty and guidance and that's what I really need...thanks