Hi Pravchaw, when I allow myself too much time my minds starts to wander as well. I've certainly gotten better about pulling myself out but it is not foolproof and likely never will be. I often ponder the 2 days or 20 year question....there are times I look at the situation with my son and feel I have been stripped of every single ounce of hope. But then...
I remind myself....that today could be the day. At any time he can stomp his foot and say no more. He wasn't raised by a push over. He's never seen me give up. Perhaps, somewhere, he has a piece of my tenacity? It is in those moments I capture a glimmer of hope. I have hope for your son as well. Our boys are still young. They have made choices that defy logic...the outcome is not ours to decide.
Stay strong...know that so many of us can relate to exactly what you are feeling....we share the victories...and yes, the disappointments too. But I will say...I appreciate knowing you are all here for me. As hopefully I am for you.