I didn't have time to type this this morning.
But I wanted to, I thought it might help you.
I work full time, live about an hour away from my parents. At the time I was probably about 34/35 years old when I was doing what I am going to tell you.
I used to drink to excess every night, but not during the day. However weekends I would start drinking as soon as I could get away with it.
I would engineer to go for a pub lunch, but I did not care about the food, I wanted to drink.
I would also engineer to have arguments with my partner, that would give me a valid reason to flounce off the shop and buy a huge bottle of vodka.
In my head, he was horrid so I was entitled to drink. I did change what i was fed up about if he was not there - such as work, family, whatever.
I would drink myself silly and on two occasions I drank far too much and my sister spoke to me on the phone, became worried about me, came over with my mum and dad and found me collapsed drunk in the hall of my house.
The first time, they said it did not matter, took me home, let me sleep it off, cuddles me, let me cry, made me something to eat and drink. They said it was okay I had nothing to be sorry about. I just needed to be happy.
So I just carried on. Probably not to the same extent, but I learnt nothing.
I work in a job where we entertain a lot and go for drinks and I would drink myself into a hideous state. How I did not loose my job I don't know, although I am still haunted about how my colleagues view me.
However, my mum and dad went to an al-anon meeting, and learnt to not dash over, rescue me, clean me up, make me feel better.
They said it was unacceptable to drink to the extremes I did and they wanted no part in it and would not help me if I did not help myself.
For me, them getting to that point where they expressed disgust at what I was doing made me feel I had to sort myself out.
No-one was going to catch me when I fell.
No-one was going to say it's okay.
They were going to say its far from okay you behave like that.
My point is that by responding to his drunken texts, giving him money, letting him whine to you, forgiving his drunken antics straight away means he has it easy as far as you are concerned.
I didn't stop drinking straight away, but I realised that if I did not want to get in the states I had or people witness like that then gossip about me, the only thing I could do was not drink.
If I did not have that first drink I could not get drunk.
I also realised and understood that alcohol was not a gift, treat, celebration, reward or anything else nice for me.
I do think that we all have to 'get it' at some points in our life.
By 'get it' I mean that drinking is just not an option for me. Even one is a problem for me.
I am glad I 'got it' in my 30's than my 50's.
I would have hated to have drunk for another 20/30 years.
I could still have a child, advance my career, save money. I had not lost it all.
If you rescue your son every time he has a tantrum or behaves badly he will not 'get it'. He has no reason to. You will sort it out for me.
The longer you do this the older he will get before 'getting it' and by then there will lots more things to loose and miss out on in life.
Do you want him to 'get it' now or put up with this for another 10 years?
I really do wish you the best.
I am from the other side, I don't like to comment really in section of the forum, but your post stood out to me. I hope my experience helps you plan your next moves with your son.
xxxx