I know exactly what you're going through. My 22 year old son is an alcoholic and I've lived through the abuse and misery too. he was a person I didn't know when drinking. He's been sober for 10 months now and has surely changed so much, but the pain of what I've seen and heard is still with me. You're not alone. Hugs to you. My son's alcoholism has been the most painful thing I've ever had to live through.