Jmh5-
I am about 3.5 years out from starting Al-Anon, and almost three since I divorced.
I am starting to trust that I will know by how I am FEELING that I am ready. I am still not ready (and lots of people on this board are by that time).
I needed that time to figure this out though. It is by far the longest I have ever been not in a relationship since I have started dating.
It has been a relief to give up some of the structures and the "rules" that I live by. It is bringing a new set of skills on board....and listening to me, instead of what someone else feels/needs.